The New Star Wars is Going to Suck But We Will Go See It Anyway

by davidbrommer

The Legendary C3P0 and R2D2. These two droids have been through a lot.

The Legendary C3P0 and R2D2. These two droids have been through a lot.

I’m afraid of the new Star Wars trilogy. I feel sorry for the Millennials and the generation after them. They didn’t get to go see the Star Wars trilogy that my beloved Generation X got to grow up on. Millennials got Jar Jar Binks and a whiney teenage Anakin Skywalker. We got introduced to a new spin on the Arthurian based characters set in a space opera that took us to a galaxy far far away. They got over the top CGI to cover up horrible dialog and soulless characters. We got awesome lines to live by, such as, “Never Tell me the odds”, “Use the Force, Let Go” and the best line in movie history ever, “There is no try, there is only do or do not”. They got, “The people of Naboo are a peaceful people”. As great as Episode 4,5, and 6 was, Episode 1,2, and 3 were horrible. However, I paid out $$$ each time to see it in the theaters hoping against “A New Hope” that George Lucas would redeem himself and take me back to those awkward pre-teen years of 1977 a long long time ago. All the new episodes did were to make me appreciate the treat that seeing the originals were in theaters back when was I just a kid. For me, Star Wars proved to be both a moral compass and inspiration to dream, and dream big.

Rawwwwggghhhhhhh. Let me suggest a new strategy, let the wookie win.

Rawwwwggghhhhhhh. Let me suggest a new strategy, let the wookie win.

Like must of us, I watched the new trailer this holiday weekend. And yes, it has its moments and promises us the force will be with this new movie… but I got burned and I’m just as cynical now like Jawa under two suns at noon.

First trailer for Star Wars Ep. 7 "The Force Awakens".

First trailer for Star Wars Ep. 7 “The Force Awakens”.

So you might say, “what’s your problem? JJ Abrams is genius”. And that is my first problem. Mr. Abrams is not right for the job. My reason is simple; he is a Star Trek guy. There are two universes to consider, one takes place a long time ago and the other in 300 years. Never the two may cross. In Star Trek you have a Warp Drive, in the Star Wars you have a Hyper Drive. Phazers vs Lazers, Deflectors vs Shields, and all the other differences can be argued by geeks till blue in the face but one thing is certain, the look and feel of these sci-fi worlds are vastly different. Vulcans cannot mix with Wookies, Mr. Data can not play space chess with an Astro-Droid. But that is just it, JJ Abrams rebooted Star Trek and now he is going to reboot Star Wars? Too much power to wield from one director says I.

Two Bounty Hunters and Jabba's pit boss.

Two Bounty Hunters and Jabba’s pit boss.

I’m going to sum it up this way; JJ can bring the bling for sure. While I’m not a huge fan of what he did with Star Trek I’ll throw him a whompbat pie and say, OK he did pretty good. But that’s just it- pretty good. Star Wars deserves better than pretty good. It should epic. It should thrill you, and take you on a ride you have never been on before. This includes through Asteroid fields, artic plains, lush forests, mammoth space stations and of course, arid deserts where you farm moister. It shouldn’t look like perfect digital, it should look real, as in a sound stage on location. I want to feel the movie, feel it course through myself… oh wait… sorry I got lost in great Yoda wisdom from the Empire Strikes Back.

Two Jedi Masters. Judge me not by my size do you.

Two Jedi Masters. Judge me not by my size do you.

Here is the crux of my problem. Can he do this? It’s second to last scene in a New Hope- Episode 4. The whole movie has brought us to this one point, the smuggled plans that reveal the achilies heel of the most devastating object in the universe, the Death Star (hellooooo a frigg’in DEATH STAR!!!!!!!). The proverbial underdogs, the rebellion is going at it with vim and vigor, it’s a long shot but they are the good guys and if they can win the day, they save not only a planet, but end tyranny and evil on a grand scale. It comes all down to Luke as he pilots a hot rod of fighter through canyons of steel, lazers and enemy tie fighters led by the most evil character in movie history (besides Hanibal Lecter of course). The tension is palpable, he is so near his goal, to make a “one in a million shot” and start the chain reaction that will destroy the Death Star. It’s David vs. the Ultimate Goliath and he is turning off his computer and using the force to do it. Lord Vader is on his tail, has him in his sights and says, “I have you now…” when the prototypical cowboy-scoundrel-pirate flys out of the glare of a star in the Millennium Falcon and wings Vader’s mean tie fighter off into the void of space. Han Solo exhorts Luke to “You’re all clear kid now lets blow this thing and go home”. Luke takes exhales deeply and takes his shot… It’s perfect, you are in the X-Wing at that moment, you are Luke, and you are the hero of the rebellion for a moment. Your stomach twists and you pull up out of the Death Star’s canyon as the your proton bolts fly into a small exhaust hole and Luke-You destroy the ominous Death Star in a spectacular climax.

The Circle is now complete...

The Circle is now complete…

It’s 1977 and Industrial Light and Magic (ILM) do this with models and green screen. No CGI. It’s almost real. Han and Chewie have your back and it’s a perfect suspension of dis-belief.

Hammerhead. 'nuff said.

Hammerhead. ’nuff said. You might notice his eyes are soft, that’s because he was the first figure I photographed and had the lens on the RX10 set to 2.8. All the others were shot at f8. note to self, when doing macro, shoot stopped down!

Can Mr. JJ Abrams replicate this? Sadly, I don’t think so. I think the movie will be lost in pointless dialog and over the top effects that have no soul. I hope I’m wrong- I truly do, for the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.. oh wait, wrong movie.

Tie Fighter Pilot. So bad ass, they aren't even clones.

Tie Fighter Pilot. So bad ass, they aren’t even clones.

The images found on this post were shot in the portrait style I used for the Seattle Suspects. The figures are from my personal collection; each one was played with in back yards, friend’s rooms and construction sites. I photographed them with a Sony RX10 using one reflector and widow light. A sheet of 13×19 white satin paper was used as the back drop. I then ran the images through Nik Silver EFX to get them to look like my old Tech Pan process looked like. Contrasty and filled with detail.

studio set up

that's no moon.

that’s no moon.

~David “may the force be with you” Brommer

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